Anger Management

People who have known me for awhile or have seen me and my brother interact with one another, are aware that I do not really like my brother. We have never been close, even when we were kids and truthfully never will be close. In fact I have never really liked my brother, at least not the way that most brothers are supposed to like each other. I also know for a fact that I do not love my brother as one would love a close family member, and really do not care what happens to him one way or another. I have always found him slightly disgusting because of his weird hygiene, runny nose/allergies and especially his chewing tobacco habit. Which I have to say is the most disgusting thing about him, and also one of the reasons I often see him as subhuman. For years now he fills cup after cup of nasty tobacco spit and just leaves them lying around his apartment, in his car or at the movies, which I have always found to be disgusting and vile. It's behavior only a worthless homeless person or some wild animal would engage in. Plus his teeth have been separating as a result of his chewing and in a few years they will start to fall out, making him even more disgusting to behold. Aside from that, he also has a lot of other negative character traits I just don't like in anybody regardless of their relation to me. So suffice it to say that if my brother were not actually related to me, and he merely worked with me or went to school with me, I would chose never to talk to him or associate with him unless it was absolutely necessary.


Which is kind of what our meetings at holidays and Family Gatherings have been, especially as of late. Nothing more than pure necessity, as I usually stay with my brother during the holidays as I am the only person in my family living in the LA area while everyone else is in the Bay Area. The alternative is that I drive from LA, rent a car, and/or get a hotel and I personally do not feel like spending that kind of money just to see my family. Especially since I am not really all that close to my family, and there are certain extended family members who I believe are disengenuine to say the least. Plus I do not see or talk to my mother, my father is long dead, and the family I have left does not really celebrate Christmas anymore in the traditional sense, so there really is no reason for me to waste my time and money on a trip to the Bay Area to simply be an observer. In fact this past Thanksgiving visit will be my last, as they are just not fun anymore or worth the effort, but the main reason I will not be making the journey again is because of my psycho brother!


For years now my brother has been getting angrier and angrier, despite the fact that he takes Martial Arts and Yoga as a way to vent his anger in a more traditional manner. I have no doubt in my mind that if my brother were ever to get married, which I highly doubt to begin with, he will end up beating his wife and kids. Not in the traditional abusive husband sort of way on a daily basis, but he would definitely raise a hand to them. For my brother is the type of person who flies into a blind rage, often for no valid reason and will lash out physically. Hence I can imagine him having a bad day at work, and his wife starts nagging him or his kid wont be quiet and him slapping them just to make them shut up. He will of course feel bad for his actions and apologize later, much like how he apologized to me after he struck me when I refused to talk to him while he was in one of his rages. Which is a control issue and yet another one of his many, many problems (I learned a long time ago there is no point in talking to someone who is both angry and irrational, as nothing will ever be accomplished so why waste the energy). Still apologizing doesn't make up for the fact that you strike someone, and my brother really needs to see someone about his anger issues before he gets arrested for being a wife beater or worse.


Now to be fair, my brother has often claimed that my behavior is what actually triggers his anger, but that is not exactly true as I have seen him fly into rages because someone cut him off on the freeway, or he was asked to sign something to receive a credit when his credit card was overcharged by accident at the movie theatre, and other similar situations. So he cannot completely blame me for his fits of anger, especially since no matter how angry a person may make you, you can't just hit the people around you as a result. That is not what mentally stable and rational people do, and I think my brother needs to realize this. I also think he needs to realize that he is never going to get what he so desperately needs and wants from me, which is a loving and considerate relationship. As it is so obvious that he wants and expects me to care for him as much as he cares for me, but that is not going to ever happen and the sooner he realizes this the better. For as I have already stated, I really do not like my brother, I never have and I never will. I have always been closer to my friends than I have my brother and that will never change. In fact I am closer to people I met the last time I vacationed in Europe than I am with my own flesh and blood. In fact all of my friends know more about me than my brother ever will, as I don't talk to him about anything.


The simple fact is, even if my brother were to go through Anger Management or Therapy, it would not change the fact that I simply do not like him as a person. I don't like to be around him, I feel that anything I say or do will send him into one of his rages, and it's kind of like being in an abusive relationship. Plus I find him disgusting as a person to begin with, and you can't ever have a relationship with someone you find disgusting, don't trust, don't love and don't even like to be around. And I'm tired of pretending just to get a place to stay for free during the holidays, or to see what's left of my family for a few hours a year and pretend that everything is like a Norman Rockwell painting. So this past Thanksgiving Holiday with the family and my brother is the very last one I will have attending, as I want to make sure that I never have to see, hear from or talk to my brother ever again.